Life Giving Words

There are times in life when others speak words to us that we didn't know our hearts were desperate to hear.  This week both of my pastors spoke those words to me.   I want to speak those words to you...because they are ultimately God's words to all of us struggling with mental illness.

There was an occasion where I needed to share my story with one of the pastors at our church.  In response to sharing a bit of my story, our lead pastor, PC wrote me an email with these words:  

Thanks for such a high degree of transparency and vulnerability, EA!

And Mike, the one I was directly sharing the story with wrote these words to me:  

EA,

Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story. Postpartum psychosis and and Bipolar Disorder is so tough. We are so proud of how you have battled. 

Tears flowed as I read those words.  It's hard to tell my story.  Still. really. hard.  I would never have chosen this road for myself.  Those who know what it's like to lose your mind know how hard. this. road. really. is.  But Jesus, oh our sweet Jesus.  He meets us every step of the way. And those words touched a very tender place in my heart.  As I kept coming back to those comforting words, I realized they flowed  from Christ's love for me through those dear men.

At the core of what PC was saying is that he, and our church body, value authenticity.  He values realness and appreciated the transparency with which I told a bit of my story.  And it's because Christ values transparency and vulnerability.  Christ knows that we are a broken and needy people.  And he came for us.  He's not put off by our brokenness but rather, moves in closer.  My pastor's words to me were Christ's words.  Not verbatim of course.  But my pastor was allowing Christ's values to be his values in the way he responded to my story.  Christ wants us to live in openness about the broken people we are.  Without shame.  Because he is not ashamed of us.  What sweetness is in those words.  

And Mike too communicated 1. thankfulness for my openness, 2. empathy, and 3. encouragement.  Read them again.  Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story. Postpartum Psychosis  and Bipolar Disorder is so tough. We are so proud of how you have battled.

And Jesus says those words to us whatever our stories may be.  He loves that we are a broken people telling our stories of brokenness and a God who is greater.  A God who shows himself powerful in the face of painful and debilitating weakness.  And he empathizes with us.  He knows how hard it is to have a broken body and live in a sinful fallen world.  He walked this earth in a broken body so he could be our great high priest who knows our weaknesses and intercedes for us.  And HE IS PROUD OF HOW WE ARE FIGHTING.  He fought for us and won on the cross, defeating all the brokenness this world can offer.  And now we get to walk out that fight by his conquering spirit within us!  And he's proud of us....and he will tell us that one day, face to face.  Oh what joy when I see my Savior face to face, and he tells me, "Well done EA, you were a good and faithful steward of the story I gave you...you sought to glorify me with your weakness, and we won!"  

But for today, I am soaking up the words of my pastors, knowing they flow from Christ's heart of love for me.  I think the tears came because my heart was needing to be reminded how my Savior sees me.  

Do you, dear one battling with mental illness need those words today?  Does your heart need to be reminded of Jesus' heart towards you and the way you are handling your brokenness?  Then hear these words from the depth of my heart, paraphrased from the words of our Savior:

Vulnerably sharing your story of brokenness with others in a way that shows that I am strong where you are weak brings me great honor (2 Corinthians 12:9).  This is what I want from you.  

What you have been given is so hard.  So very hard.  And I know it.  I empathize with you and know the depth of your sadness and sorrow over your brokenness more than you can imagine. (Isaiah 53:3-4)

And I am proud of you.  Proud that you are fighting the good fight and trusting in me, placing your hope in me.  Keep fighting.  Keep trusting.  It's a battle.  But I have overcome the world and your brokenness.  I am with you. (Hebrews 2: 10-18)

Giving thanks for mental illness...REALLY?

I've been keeping a gratitude journal this year.  God has been giving me eyes to see more clearly how rich and abundant his gifts in my life really are.  They are everywhere.  And as I intentionally thank him for them, joy springs in my heart.  I have a fresh awareness each day of how good my Father really is to me.  

Among the MANY awesome gifts that I am busy recording each day, there are a few gifts in particular that take faith for me to thank God for.  It's easy to thank God for fun moments with my children, beauty in my backyard, and dates with my hubby.  These are certainly gifts of grace from my generous and loving heavenly Father. 

But there are other things-the hard moments in this battle with bipolar disorder-that appear at first (to my earthly eyes) not be gifts at all.  Until I recall (again and again) this promise.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

ALL THINGS are working for my good. That means the hard, difficult to navigate nuisances of a life with mental illness.  My Father is totally in control of the easy and the difficult gifts he dispenses to me.  And he knows what my heart needs most...the 'no' to a pleasing or easy gift is the 'yes' to a greater gift...he's using the difficult gift of mental illness to give me the things my heart needs most.  So really, the hardest gifts are often the most loving.  

And honestly, the more I recall this promise and the more I purposefully pronounce my thanks for this gift, I find a deep joy, apart from circumstances...and isn't that a gift in itself?

Lord, thank you for this promise that you are using all things-especially mental illness- for our good.  Thank you,  by faith, for the hard moments mental illness brings into our lives and the good it is accomplishing.  Thank you that you are all wise and all knowing and that your heart is good.  You are to be trusted. You are accomplishing deep and eternal heart transformation in us, giving us the ability to long for and enjoy you more.  Give us grace to trust your heart and your promises more and more.