My Bipolar Story

The last few years have been rough. But there's been so much grace.  So much.

In the summer of 2012, I gave birth to Judah, our third child.   The doctors think that the postpartum hormones along with severe sleep deprivation triggered a postpartum manic episode.. Whatever the cause, I went into full blown mania, with euphoria, pressured speech, not sleeping, racing thoughts and even began to have what doctors call "psychotic features."  such as delusions and paranoia.    I have always had ups and downs in my moods but never this extreme. My manic episode lasted for several months and I crashed into a severe depression.  That puts me firmly in the "Bipolar I with psychotic features" category.  With the help of a great team of doctors and  medications, my moods have stabilized and my cognitive thinking and functioning have mostly returned to normal.

Like I said, it's been rough.  But God has incredibly faithful to our family through my illness.

So why blog about it?

As I dealt with some of the shame of this diagnosis, I realized the pride behind my shame.  We are all broken and needy and God loves to show up where we are weak.  I didn't want to show my weakness and thus I was missing the opportunity to show his power.   As I have wrestled with this, I realize my deepest desire is to put him on display in my weakness and brokenness.... so I decided to put it all out there for the world to see.

And it's a huge part of our life.  To blog about our life and what God is doing in us yet not talk about Bipolar Disorder would be like inviting you over to our house for dinner and sitting on the front porch to eat, never really letting you in.  So here we are with doors and hearts flung open wide, and we are inviting you to enter.

We are a family clinging to Christ in the midst of  mental illness.  I do not know my prognosis. But I know that God is faithful and I want to put him on display through this trail as much as possible.

Thank you for coming in to the living room of our lives and for praying for us.

I pray you will glorify God as you see his faithfulness to our family, be encouraged to trust his faithfulness whatever you are facing, and possibly be challenged to put your weakness (and his power) on display so that he can be made much of in your life as well!