There are times in life when others speak words to us that we didn't know our hearts were desperate to hear. This week both of my pastors spoke those words to me. I want to speak those words to you...because they are ultimately God's words to all of us struggling with mental illness.
There was an occasion where I needed to share my story with one of the pastors at our church. In response to sharing a bit of my story, our lead pastor, PC wrote me an email with these words:
Thanks for such a high degree of transparency and vulnerability, EA!
And Mike, the one I was directly sharing the story with wrote these words to me:
EA,
Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story. Postpartum psychosis and and Bipolar Disorder is so tough. We are so proud of how you have battled.
Tears flowed as I read those words. It's hard to tell my story. Still. really. hard. I would never have chosen this road for myself. Those who know what it's like to lose your mind know how hard. this. road. really. is. But Jesus, oh our sweet Jesus. He meets us every step of the way. And those words touched a very tender place in my heart. As I kept coming back to those comforting words, I realized they flowed from Christ's love for me through those dear men.
At the core of what PC was saying is that he, and our church body, value authenticity. He values realness and appreciated the transparency with which I told a bit of my story. And it's because Christ values transparency and vulnerability. Christ knows that we are a broken and needy people. And he came for us. He's not put off by our brokenness but rather, moves in closer. My pastor's words to me were Christ's words. Not verbatim of course. But my pastor was allowing Christ's values to be his values in the way he responded to my story. Christ wants us to live in openness about the broken people we are. Without shame. Because he is not ashamed of us. What sweetness is in those words.
And Mike too communicated 1. thankfulness for my openness, 2. empathy, and 3. encouragement. Read them again. Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story. Postpartum Psychosis and Bipolar Disorder is so tough. We are so proud of how you have battled.
And Jesus says those words to us whatever our stories may be. He loves that we are a broken people telling our stories of brokenness and a God who is greater. A God who shows himself powerful in the face of painful and debilitating weakness. And he empathizes with us. He knows how hard it is to have a broken body and live in a sinful fallen world. He walked this earth in a broken body so he could be our great high priest who knows our weaknesses and intercedes for us. And HE IS PROUD OF HOW WE ARE FIGHTING. He fought for us and won on the cross, defeating all the brokenness this world can offer. And now we get to walk out that fight by his conquering spirit within us! And he's proud of us....and he will tell us that one day, face to face. Oh what joy when I see my Savior face to face, and he tells me, "Well done EA, you were a good and faithful steward of the story I gave you...you sought to glorify me with your weakness, and we won!"
But for today, I am soaking up the words of my pastors, knowing they flow from Christ's heart of love for me. I think the tears came because my heart was needing to be reminded how my Savior sees me.
Do you, dear one battling with mental illness need those words today? Does your heart need to be reminded of Jesus' heart towards you and the way you are handling your brokenness? Then hear these words from the depth of my heart, paraphrased from the words of our Savior:
Vulnerably sharing your story of brokenness with others in a way that shows that I am strong where you are weak brings me great honor (2 Corinthians 12:9). This is what I want from you.
What you have been given is so hard. So very hard. And I know it. I empathize with you and know the depth of your sadness and sorrow over your brokenness more than you can imagine. (Isaiah 53:3-4)
And I am proud of you. Proud that you are fighting the good fight and trusting in me, placing your hope in me. Keep fighting. Keep trusting. It's a battle. But I have overcome the world and your brokenness. I am with you. (Hebrews 2: 10-18)
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